Love and Fear

Kamala Sound - EFT



What do you feel when you look up to the sky?

When we look up at, and think about the sky and space, or even heaven or the Universe, we can have a mix of feelings ranging from love to fear. I often look to the sky and the beyond and feel calm and wonderment and feelings of connection and belonging. On the other hand, I also think of the expanding Universe and have thoughts of the eternal, and I feel unnerved, disconnected, and disoriented.

Only 2 emotions

I believe there are only two emotions that we operate out of: Love and Fear. All of our labeled emotions that are positive, like joy, peace, wonder, hope, and happiness are all feelings of Love. All of our labeled emotions that are negative, like anger, resentment, guilt, sadness, and anxiety are all feelings of Fear.

Embracing this notion can have huge implications for our wellness.

Fear is arguably the largest roadblock to wellness. Our insecurities sit within fear.

We have to love ourselves completely, unquestionably in order to be empowered to embrace our wellness as a non-negotiable.

If there are things we don’t like about ourselves, we will likely feel we don’t deserve to take care of ourselves, even if this is subconscious. If we are judging our ‘human doingness’ and fearful that we just aren’t measuring up, we aren’t producing enough, will we then be apt to engage in self-care activities? Unlikely. When we compare ourselves to others in any number of the ways we do; body image, skin color, hair texture, country of origin, accent, job description, accolades, education, etc…, how then can we love ourselves enough to say: I am worth it. I am worth taking care of. I am worth loving. I have unique skills and gifts and contributions to make in the world, and I cannot do them unless I am at my best. I cannot be at my best if I am not taking care of myself.

Getting quiet

The second piece of fear being the biggest roadblock is fear of getting quiet enough to realize all the fear. When we get quiet and we ask ourselves what we need, so that we can engage in self-care activities, we have to be willing to hear the answers. Those answers are often riddled with fear. We may realize there are a number of things we are doing that don’t fit for us, like a relationship or a job. We may realize we are not doing a number of things that we want to and know would be good for us, like eating well or moving more.

What are your fears?

As part of a sustainable self-care plan, it’s important to note your fears. What are they? Where do they come from? You may have to dig deep to discover some that you have hidden really well. We can’t live our lives without fear. It will continue to show up. But…we can certainly face our fears and make the decision to live in love as often as possible.

If you want to be well and you want to embrace self-care, you have to love yourself first. Loving yourself also entails facing your fears. How will you do this?


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Opportunities and Definition of Self-Care

Where are these opportunities for Self-Care? They are everywhere. They are all around us every day. Broadening our definition of Self-Care can have a huge impact on how we practice it.

Opportunities for Self-Care abound, and if we are mindful of them and take them, we are spreading Self-Care to others. Taking care of our self IS taking care of others. If we prioritize our self, we are also prioritizing others. If we have children, a spouse, significant other, family member, or friend that we help out, and they are the priority, remember that we are not taking as good care of them as we could if we are not taking care of our self first.

We have to be our best self in order to give our best self to others.

What is getting in the way of you practicing Self-Care? Have you defined it? Have you tried strategies for practicing Self-Care? If so, what has worked and what has not?

Start by making a list of all of the Self-Care opportunities that come up in a day. Pick a day. 

Which opportunities did you take advantage of? 

Did you ignore some opportunities?

Did you have success?

Why do you think you prioritized some opportunities over others?

Why were you successful?

What got in your way? 

Use this day as a snapshot to get a sense of how you are defining Self-Care and how you are acting on it. 

The other day I started to keep track. My list was getting very long, but here are a handful of my Self-Care opportunities:

*staying in bed a little longer

*reading books in the chair with my son in the morning instead of rushing off to the class at my gym I wanted to attend

*sitting and finishing my coffee and banana even though my son was tugging at my sleeve for me to “play cars”

*going to the gym and having my son attend the Kid Zone (I didn’t get to the earlier class, but I still got to the gym!)

How many opportunities just in your morning alone?

These opportunities all came up within the first few hours of my day. I felt a sense of balance where my choices were good for me AND for my son. When I lingered with him upstairs reading books it was my Self-Care AND it was his request and need. I showed him he was loved and nurtured and listened to and I enjoyed that time immensely, knowing these days when he is little are numbered. When I sat and finished my breakfast, it was my Self-Care AND it modeled to him the importance of Self-Care and that I am not always at his disposal. Sometimes he has to learn to be patient and wait. I knew when I woke up and it was on the later side and I was extra tired and he wanted to read books, that I was not going to make it to my gym class. I was still able to get in a workout by going to the gym later, and my son still got to spend time in the Kid Zone with other children and adults.

You can find a sense of balance with your Self-Care if you are more mindful of your opportunities. You won’t be able to take all of your opportunities, but then again, if you continue to broaden your definition of what Self-Care is to you, you will be AMAZED at how well you can do each day! Get it down in writing and feel accomplished! That will motivate you to find more opportunities.

Follow me on Facebook here:

Better yet, if you are a helping professional, join my FREE Facebook Group here to support your sustained Self-Care:

If you are ready for some serious upgrade to your Self-Care and could use some more focused and specific support, contact me for a FREE 30 minute coaching consultation!

To your Self-Care, In rhythm,



What is self-care to me?

Yesterday I sent out an email through a program that is new to me. The email went out to a group of people who have just started to follow me and my work looking for information and support around wellness and self-care. It was my very first email through this system and I worked on it for a week. For starters, the design was challenging for me. I couldn’t get the pictures to have the right dimensions or the highest resolution. I re-wrote the content to be sure I was saying what my readers needed. I spent time organizing all of my social media contact information. (And wow, I didn’t even realize how much social media contact information I had!)

So..I finally hit send a week after I wanted it to go out.

My marketing and writing coach uses a phrase he got from his coach, ‘Ready, Fire, Aim’. I don’t particularly care for the analogy, and the concept is not a great fit for me either. I am definitely more of a ‘Ready, Aim, Fire’ kind of person. I like to do things well. I believe in what I have to offer, and I wanted this email to be excellent.

I am out on a limb taking more chances these days and learning all kinds of new things to move my business out into the world wide web, such as designing emails through marketing platforms.  This means I am doing things right now that are ‘not my genius’. I LOVE this idea. I learned it at an entrepreneur conference I attended a number of years ago. This is what I was told: “Hire out for whatever is not your genius.” Hmm, well, maybe at some point I can do more of this.  I don’t have the luxury of time at the moment, nor do I have the luxury of extra cash to hire out for whatever is not my genius.

How does all of this fit into my self-care?

My email had one big mistake. It was addressed to a placeholder prompt, |FNAME|*!, or something of this nature, instead of addressed to the individuals by name. I was horrified. It felt unprofessional and impersonal and like I did not know my stuff. I was stressed and upset. It was Friday night and a very rare date night with my husband. I was not in the mood for a date night, and as soon as I got in the car I started talking about how upset I was.

Within a minute my monologue had turned from being upset to self-care. Here was my train of thought:

Yes, it was ok that I was upset about this. It was important to me. I allowed myself to feel this way. This is self-compassion and mindfulness.

I worked on letting it go and thought about writing this next blog post about the situation. This is self-forgiveness and focusing on what is most important.

I was learning something new. This falls under psychological self-care and continuing to challenge myself in healthy ways.

I was following my passion and my intention of being of service to more people by expanding my business online. I am following my genius. This is spiritual self-care.

I was balancing ‘Ready, Fire, Aim’ with ‘Ready, Aim, Fire’. This is about getting my own support and coaching around new behavior strategies.

This is how I define self-care for myself. I am mindful of all of my opportunities for self-care, and this email mistake was a golden opportunity.

Where are your opportunities for self-care? Can I help you find them?

Start by taking this self-care assessment:  and with it your FREE Self-Care Action Guide

Join my Facebook Group:

Contact me and set up a FREE 15-minute coaching consultation

In rhythm, to your self-care,







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Self-Care Interview

I had the pleasure of being interviewed for the ‘Dignity Together Against Workplace Bullying’ group. This is an organization working hard on legislative change, but it is also a group focused on support, wellness, and Self-Care. Deb Falzoi is doing an amazing job. Here is where you can find her and her group.

Here is the interview where she asked me to

  1. define Self-Care
  2. talk about why Self-Care is important
  3. explore myths about Self-Care
  4. identify mistakes people make when it comes to Self-Care

She also asks me why Self-Care is especially important for people who are being bullied in the workplace.

Consider my answer to apply to so many of us. Are you in any kind of relationship where you feel you are giving your power away? This might be to a colleague, a supervisor, a spouse, a friend, or even a parent. Are you a giver? Do you feel that you are never a priority because you are giving so much of yourself to others? My answer to her question applies to all of these scenarios where we might not be putting ourselves first.

To your Self-Care!

If you haven’t already done so, take a minute to click on this link and take this Self-Care self-assessment. You will receive the results with some information about what they mean. You will also receive a FREE Self-Care Action Guide.

Welcome to the Self-Care Revolution!!


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Self-Care as a revolutionary act: Make it a resolution!

In a time of increased violence, divisiveness,  and fear, Self-Care is as bold a revolutionary act as any. When asking yourself what you can do in response to what is happening in our communities, country, and world, consider Self-Care at the top of your list. When considering a new year’s resolution,  Self-Care is a MUST-DO! Let’s make it sustainable so you can have a new fabulous and healthy new year’s resolution next year!

Let Self-Care be your lighthouse, your navigation, your guide for decisions and behaviors.

“A world in which self-care has to be such a trendy topic is a world that is sick. Self-care should not be something we resort to because we are so absolutely exhausted that we need some reprieve from our own relentless internal pressure. True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.” – Brianna Wiest

Self-Care is usually not ‘the cool’ thing to do. In a culture where we embrace and revere’ busyness’, and we value strength and independence as golden assets, Self-Care has a hard time finding its place.

“The uncertainty and unpredictability tied to the future of our nation is affecting the health and well-being of many Americans in a way that feels unique to this period in recent history.” (Nov 1, 2017, American Psychological Association)

What are you doing for your own Self-Care? Take a minute to brainstorm everything you do for your own Self-Care. In order to do this you will have to take a minute to consider what Self-Care means to you. Don’t get too bogged down and don’t look anything up, just jot down a brainstormed list. 

I want you to easily and confidently walk the Self-Care talk. I want you to thrive, despite your immersion in a sometimes violent and almost always stressful environment. I want you to embrace Self-Care as an act of justice. I believe this is what is needed right now as we teeter on the brink between wellness and dis-ease. In many ways our lives and cultures are fear-based. We are often trying to one-up each other in our efforts, our successes, our busyness. We are often struggling to stay young and look young in a culture that doesn’t support or honor the ageing process. We are surrounded by a culture that says what we have and who we are is never enough.  We need more compassion. What we are doing now is not enough.  We aren’t taking care of our needs and those of our friends and families enough to feel balanced and healthy in our lives. There are many great books on Self-Care techniques. None of this seems to be translating to us practicing sustained Self-Care. We have so many things vying for our attention and so much increase in fear.

It is time to turn inwards and turn towards each other. Join me in my new commitment to my own Self-Care through my new blog and join the Self-Care Revolution!!!!!!!!!!!

Start by taking this Self-Care assessment and join me!

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